Where can I piss?

For Mr Shit, who always carries at least one tissue.

It is ok to piss in a public place but not in public. You should, ideally, only piss on soil; for example, by a roadside tree. You can piss on public property but not on private property. Importantly, public property includes official state grounds and church gardens: you're not making a wet, political protest or pissing on religious principles; you're having a piss. But that doesn't excuse pissing on an image of somebody - don't be a dick.

Shitting is a more touchy subject. Humans have vile shit - the dirtiest of all mammals, someone once told me. So you should only shit outdoors in rural or wooded areas where people aren't likely to tread foot. You should also have a good supply of tissues on you: it is unfair on others, and yourself, to walk around with a shitty arse.