July shout-outs: stuff proposed by friends

Two from Squeaky Bill this month.

It is this that Squeaky has to say on pre-grated packets of Parmigiano-Reggiano. They are better than whole chunks of the stuff because they are grated to perfection and also save on gruelling manpower. Despite pre-grated being more expensive to buy per gram, Squeakalicious argues that it is actually cheaper - the whole block leads to spillage and big chunks flaking off during self-grating, and you are left with the inedible outer crust at the end.

The game of Boule is great fun, but a three-way game does not work so well as one-on-one or two-on-two games, much like in pool or snooker. But rather than have one person sit out an entire first-to-13 game, Squeaks suggests applying the winner-stays-on rule after each end yet at the same time keeping an accumulative score and playing first to 13. That way no one has to sit out for more than one end. Looking forward to trying that out soon.

June shout-outs: stuff proposed by friends

One from brother blaze C-Mac and one from Quarkus Feucht.

Extremely Berlin-specific this one, but park-loving C-Mac came up with a useful way to tell people where exactly you are in Görlitzer Park's crater. If you imagine the crater to be a clock face. You tell people the metal sculpture is 12 o'clock and then simply tell them the time at which you are sat.

Below is a satellite image of said crater. Ignore the Hühnerhaus and Café Marx pointers, they are wrong. The 12 o'clock marker is casting a thin shadow on the left. Best to avoid 8-10 o'clock, for it is there where the alcoholics hide in the shade to conserve on essential perspiration liquids. 4-6 o'clock gives the longest amount of sun and is the most lively, if that is what you are after.

Quarkus has this to say on the small v big packet of American Spirit debate: people who buy the small packet are like people who drink small beers - they like to think that they can stop drinking at any time should they want to, and will thus-saidly waste less beer than if they were to drink a large beer.

As far as we are both aware there is no difference in the price-to-grammage ratio, but the question of the price-to-crumbage/dryishness ratio is an interesting one. My guess is about the same, but I would love to know if anyone thinks otherwise. Buying the small packet means you can also buy a pack of filters or skins for just under €5. This is, of course, only a short-term saving.

May shout-outs: rules proposed by friends

Big-ups go to Doctor Bowl-Rip Specialist and Victor.

Dr Bowl says two things on the subject of marijuana consumption:

Don't use too much tobacco. Smokers can tolerate a little more tobacco than necessary in a joint; but for a non-smoker it can't be nice. Therefore, limit the amount of tobacco you put in a jay-jay blaze-away. I suggest a six-parts ganja to four-parts tobacco ratio.

Enjoy the ride. Dr "hits-from-the" Bong also presents a fascinating take on the arc which is the marijuana high. He proposes that the stoner's experience should be enjoyed from start to finish, from up to down, high to low, i.e. you should avoid the "production line" process in which joint after joint is passed around the gang. Totally agree - difficult to stick to, though. Especially when the booze is involved.

Victor has this to say on the high five:

Ever noticed that you don't always make a perfect palm-to-palm connection when high-fiving? Eye up the elbow; align them. If you focus on your fellow high-fiver's hand, which will move in an arc-like trajectory, you increase the risk of a bad, or even the embarrassing missed, connection. By lining up each other's elbows - which don't move during this popular male activity - your success rate goes up many-fold.

April shout-outs: stuff proposed by friends

Two from big Tom this week.

Guess the tits: stand behind a bird and try to guess if she's got nice baps on her. When she turns round to reveal her lady-sacks, several things can happen.
You guessed that her fun-bags would be big. Yes! They are, you're celebrating. She has bee stings. No! Shit. Play again.
You guessed she'd have tiny little jabbers. You're right. You feel good, self-assured. You're wrong. She's got a nice pair o' melons baby! Great game.

Pub-to-club observation: I've often noticed that during an evening with the lads I enjoy the club less than the pub preamble. Tom explains it like this: you go for some beers with the boys, get the banter and booze flowing; you're bouncing off each other. A rally of one-liners. Then off to the club and the banter suddenly stops. Now you need to create good vibes through a combination of body language and more booze - not good. You get smashed and try and pull; you don't really need the lads for that.

March shout-outs: rules proposed by friends

For three-year-old Rico, who did a Kacke when I was the only adult in the flat. And lo and behold, when I anxiously went to wipe his arse – nothing, not a trace. The little fella had done one of those poos where you don’t need to wipe.

My brother says, if you buy someone a gift, don’t go for the easy option of either CD, DVD or book. In doing this, the gift giver is forced to use his imagination – and will invariably buy a better present.

He’s been a busy bee this month, also introducing me to his orange/banana system. What he does is this: prepare the individual orange segments and – here’s the twist – slice the banana. Then he eats a slice of banana followed by a slice of orange, and so on. The orange, he says, is perfect to wash down the banana and I agree.

The prize for biggest internet dick-face goes to Darren James Higginbottom. I caught this guy on a Facebook forum about Manchester’s finest poet, Morrissey.

You either 'get' Morrissey or you don't...if you DO 'get' him – then you are far better off for it, and probably have a far richer intellect as a result believe me.

Oh dear. He makes the small mistake of coming across as a massive arse.

February shout-outs: rules proposed by friends

No rule is final, there's nearly always an exception. In the case of this blog's title it's bottle caps and the occasional tea bag.

Paul reminds me of this one: don't drink coffee each and every morning. Ask yourself if you're tired because you've had too little sleep (drink the stuff) or if you're tired because you've woken up in the last hour or two (don't drink).

Markus's father told him something in German along the lines of "do what your body tells you". Brilliant - I, like so many, should pay more attention to my body's needs and desires. More often than not my pathetic-excuse-for-a-man torso is literally and metaphorically "on its arse".

Irish Stu says, "it's ok to steal something you know hasn't been used for 12 months". In his case it was some iPod accessory or other; and I'm not even sure he really waited a year but what the hey, it felt right and so my friend from the Emerald Isle played his 'exception card'.

January 2008 shout-outs: rules proposed by friends

Jacinta quipped: If you print a poster and make a mistake or forget to include something, don’t just scribble it on in pen afterwards. This is unprofessional. Reprint the bastard. There is a much broader field to discuss on the importance of accuracy in all published documents, but for another time perhaps.

Paul mused: To introduce yourself to a band, avoid buying a best of CD. Go instead for their most highly acclaimed album. On that note, compilation/best of CDs should always have a chronological song order. This narrows the amount of subjectivity that goes into the selection. It also gives the listener an idea of how the band’s music progressed over time. What particular songs are chosen, of course, will always remain subjective.

Jay-D didn’t suggest this in January but it’s a brilliant rule: If you meet a bird always get her number before going in for the kiss. This shows a level of commitment, making her more likely to kop. It’s sad that we men have to think about these things but we do and, based on Jon’s success rate, it's worth considering.