June shout-outs: stuff proposed by friends

One from brother blaze C-Mac and one from Quarkus Feucht.

Extremely Berlin-specific this one, but park-loving C-Mac came up with a useful way to tell people where exactly you are in Görlitzer Park's crater. If you imagine the crater to be a clock face. You tell people the metal sculpture is 12 o'clock and then simply tell them the time at which you are sat.

Below is a satellite image of said crater. Ignore the Hühnerhaus and Café Marx pointers, they are wrong. The 12 o'clock marker is casting a thin shadow on the left. Best to avoid 8-10 o'clock, for it is there where the alcoholics hide in the shade to conserve on essential perspiration liquids. 4-6 o'clock gives the longest amount of sun and is the most lively, if that is what you are after.

Quarkus has this to say on the small v big packet of American Spirit debate: people who buy the small packet are like people who drink small beers - they like to think that they can stop drinking at any time should they want to, and will thus-saidly waste less beer than if they were to drink a large beer.

As far as we are both aware there is no difference in the price-to-grammage ratio, but the question of the price-to-crumbage/dryishness ratio is an interesting one. My guess is about the same, but I would love to know if anyone thinks otherwise. Buying the small packet means you can also buy a pack of filters or skins for just under €5. This is, of course, only a short-term saving.

Pass the Dutchie to the correct side - spliff etiquette

For G-Force, a non-profit one-man dealer organisation.

Everyone (who can) should take turns to roll - and it's totally acceptable to goad a reluctant stoner to pull his weight.

Passing the doobie to the left-hand side is not a good rule. Instead, alternate the hand-off, ensuring that the same people from the smoker's circle don't repeatedly get the end, middle or beginning of the joint as it does the rounds.

You can throw the joint to the next smoker if you are outside and sat down - this breaks the silence and promotes movement.

Shout-out to the Beard for inspiring the "toke toll" - if the spliff needs to go via someone to get to the next stoner in the queue, that someone, if more than one-third of the joint remains, can take a drag of the joint as way of payment for his time and effort. This rule only applies if it is someone; and not some two, three or four greedy weed fiends.

Some don'ts and don'ts:

Don't roach someone's rizla packet without asking first. Any missing corner of card is a tell-tale sign of marijuana consumption; which, given some people's desire or need for discretion, you shouldn't leave evidence of without permission.

Don't mock, abuse or lecture a fellow stoner over his smoking technique. Rather, teach by way of suggestion and arguement. Getting high, like all arts, should evolve through the sharing of ideas and not, like bad art, by being dictated to you.

Don't pass someone an unlit joint. If you do, tell them it needs lighting and apologise for not having a lighter. It's rude to watch your fellow smoker go through the uncomfortable experience of taking a drag on a dud spliff.

The OCB papers system

Dedicated to K.J.Wood, a.k.a. the Queen of Camp. Puts Inman, Clary, Williams and myself to shame, and knows how to have a good lunch.

Anybody know these? Bloody good rolling papers, with one drawback - the two seperate piles of papers within one case, meaning one pile often runs out before the other. The papers in the remaining pile then slip towards the space left empty by its former aider and abetter, partner-in-crime, fellow cancer criminal. This makes the papers difficult to remove unless you have fingers like pincers.

A simple system prevents this: If the top papers of each pile point in different directions, take from the upper pile; (in the picture, for example, though it's hard to make out, they point in the same direction), if the they point the same way, take from the lower pile.

Yeah? Think about it. Different direction: top; same way: bottom. Yeah? Came up with that all myself.

A good way to remember the rule:

"Face the same way, bit gay, in a way, like bottom today;
Different directions, early preventions, then he mentions, the top pile's pretentions."