February shout-outs: rules proposed by friends

No rule is final, there's nearly always an exception. In the case of this blog's title it's bottle caps and the occasional tea bag.

Paul reminds me of this one: don't drink coffee each and every morning. Ask yourself if you're tired because you've had too little sleep (drink the stuff) or if you're tired because you've woken up in the last hour or two (don't drink).

Markus's father told him something in German along the lines of "do what your body tells you". Brilliant - I, like so many, should pay more attention to my body's needs and desires. More often than not my pathetic-excuse-for-a-man torso is literally and metaphorically "on its arse".

Irish Stu says, "it's ok to steal something you know hasn't been used for 12 months". In his case it was some iPod accessory or other; and I'm not even sure he really waited a year but what the hey, it felt right and so my friend from the Emerald Isle played his 'exception card'.

When is it ok to steal? And how to steal without getting caught

For my brother, a rookie, yet keen stealer of books.

You can steal from any major company. If anyone suggests that it is the employees of a major company who suffer from your petty thievery, they are wrong. If a company knows of a way to save money – even if it includes cutting staff – they will. And major corporations budget theft, damage or loss of their products into the price, i.e. they make sure they make a profit. It is wrong to steal from a small, local business; however, it is ok to steal from an individual, so long as you first establish with some certainty that they are a twat. Office theft is ok, but don’t go crazy. You can take liberties by making personal phone calls and print-outs, as well as stealing the occasional folder/file for you brother, but that’s about it. No matter how much you hate your job, you should still maintain some level of gratitude and respect towards your employer.

First rule: don’t get ahead of yourself, i.e. don’t steal something you can’t conceal easily or something which is expensive and likely to be well guarded. Don’t steal in your local neighbourhood; it’s possible that someone could recognise you. If possible, buy something as well as stealing something. This is a perfect distraction technique. You are removed as a suspicious target. Luckily for thrill-seeking shoplifters such as myself, there are enough junkies out there stealing badly – thus making them the focus of the average shop security guard.