A borrower and a lender be

For my brother, who runs a strict but fair and logical library.

Borrowing and lending, when conducted properly, can improve your quality of life. But when done incorrectly, sharing can cause rifts in a relationship. And while each borrow/lend situation should be treated individually, there are some general rules you should follow:

The lender

Tell the borrower when you want the item back. This is not just in your interest but in theirs also. I recommend:

Book - up to six months if the lender has already read it.
DVD/video - one week unless box set, for which up to three months if the lender has already seen it.
CD/cassette/record - up to one month. If the lender hasn't listened to it yet he shouldn't be lending it or even owning the bastard.
Clothes - one week. This gives the borrower enough time to fit the item into one of his weekly wash cycles.
Porn - should be restricted to internal house/flat-sharing overnight-rental conditions. Otherwise the return of the item can take months, if ever.

The borrower

The borrower should not need the lender to remind him to return the borrowed item.

If the borrower damages the lender's lend he must replace the item without questioning whether he should or not. Damage includes:

A book ruined by water, fire, dirt or tearing.
A warped or chewed-up tape or video.
A CD or DVD with a noticeable skip in any scene or track.
Torn, burnt or stained clothing.
Soiled porn.

Look at this beautiful exchange, in which the lender of a book is given the chance to review the extend of its damage and decide if the borrower should replace the book or not.