iTunes on shuffle mode.

Dedicated to MM, who has been sick of late; Paul Martin, for giving me the idea; and Damien Seaman, a friend and a real writer – look.

Given the enormity of the average iTune-user's mp3 collection, it can often be difficult to settle on some music to listen to. I am, for example, forced to choose between some 70 GB of music. As such, many people opt for 'shuffle mode'. But there are several rules I follow in order to maximise the listening experience.

1) If I like the song and it is less than four minutes long, I must listen. This prevents repeated skipping of tracks until you settle on one you're in the mood for, which brings me onto my next point.

2) The rule comes before mood. Moods are silly and short-lived. They can't be expressed in a song, at least not one single mood, contrary to popular opinion. For example, when feeling blue (fucking stupid mood that), putting on a song by The Smiths, Johnny Cash or Radiohead – and other such musicians labelled 'moody' - can have the reverse effect or no effect at all. It is silly and distorting. Life, and especially music, isn't that simple – what mood are you in right now then, eh? As such, if a five-minute song comes on, which would validate a skip, it should be not be ignored if it turns out to be hard house, disco, a hip-hop anthem, etc. and you wanna get high and chill, yeah?

3) If I know and like the artist/band but don't know the song I can listen to the first five seconds or so before making my decision. However, under no circumstances may I skip to the middle/end of the song to see how it progresses. This is shit. I'm pretty sure Jorge Bolet never pictured some spotty-arsed lump of shit, lying in his little wank hole, skipping to the middle to see how his piano transcription of Wagner's Tannhäuser overture develops.

To those of you who read this to the end, thank you and sorry. I'm still not sure what the purpose of a blog is, other than to go on about yourself and act like people care.